its funny when you look back on your life and relise what you have done or what you have achived and all the people that have walked in and out of your life, all the ones that have said they will be there for ever and then when the the times get tough just up and leave you like you were nothing more than a way to fill in time….
its excatly how i am feeling right now and still i am left sitting here wondering how did this happen and why to me…
ok here is a run down my so called best friend moved up to auckland 4 months ago and in that time we have been having the time of our lifes partying hard and living life even harded, until i introduced her to all of my mates up here and that is when it all started lying to me bout going over to see them and then the texts got less and less and less to the point now where we trvel to and from work together and that is it…
the funny thing about it all is the fact that when we started getting close she looked me in the eye a said to me that no matter what she would tell me the truth and that she was a real person hahaha what a load of crap..
it seems to be that anyone i open my self up to only turns around and uses me for what every they can and then trows me away and the sad thing is that i can always see it coming yet i dont do anything about it….
and then there is the guys of corse there is the guys im girl after all… ok so frist one we will call him d ok so d has been a mate for a really long time and only the other night he told me that he wants to be more than just mates and now i dont no how to tell him that i see him as nothing but that i mean he is perfect hot has a good job nice car and most og all is nice… anf i think that is it nice i dont do nice it scars me, and then there is well lets call him howick boy ok so howick boy has this amazing thing about him where all he has to do is text me and i am there now this guy is hot and good job nice car and a bad boy which i love but there is just that one thing that i cant put my finger on bout him that just holds me back that no matter what i feel for him i no that we can go as far as we are now cause i guess deep down i no it is just going to end in tears…. ok 2 down and 1 to go the one that i cant stop think about and when ever i text i get a knot in my tummy the one that you look at and no that everything is going to be fine but also the one that i no i can never have anythingmore than what we got now and we will call him bay boy… so bay boy i meet like 3 months ago through a good mate of mine and we started getting closer and closer i stared going around to his house and hanging out and then one night laying on his bed watching a moive he kissed me and as things do one thing lead to another then well after that it waslike we could not even talk to each other so i went home all confused and didnt here from him for a week till he wanted something from me…
its always the way but why do i let it happen to me every time when every time i no it is just going to end in hurt and tears!!!